my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
