god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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