You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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