We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
