I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
