Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We need to rekindle our bromance
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
