Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
