my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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