Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
