what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
