So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
