dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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