She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
