oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
