i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
