It was confusing and full of hummus
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
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