and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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