Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize