The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize