she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
