I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
