my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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