cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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