____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
