I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize