Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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