but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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