i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
