the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Welp...herpes.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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