I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
