My brain says no but my pants say off.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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