guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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