i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize