OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
