I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
