Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize