I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
