I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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