Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
