i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
