My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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