Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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