I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
