She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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