shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
