dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
no you cant smoke seaweed
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
