Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
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