I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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