We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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