how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
