Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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