i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
