so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
