I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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