i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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