Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You dont lie about slip and slides
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
