i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
