I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
