I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
