I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
