Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
As shirtless as possible
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
