if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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