I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
