Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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